Note: The links are specifically for my fiction writing class. We are exploring telling a story through digital avenues. I chose a blog with links and design principles. Explore around. And remember this is obviously fictionalized.
Good evening, and welcome to the Disney Diaries, where I provide you with stories centered on the harsh realities these Disney characters are living after their 9 to 5 job of shaking hands with five year olds and posing for photographs that will only be placed in a photo album the fanny-packed parents buy for an overpriced $50 at the Disney store. I search for stories that you want on characters you remember all those years ago. You won’t believe where they are today. Click the links to view the story from the newspaper pages.
Our first story comes to us from the Divorce Chronicle, Snow White divorces Jon, forest gypsy files slander.
Snow White has hit a wall. White is now experiencing what nearly 60 percent of the U.S. population is: divorce. After adopting all seven dwarfs – Sleepy, Sneezey, Dopey, Doc, Grumpy, Happy, and Bashful – in 1940, Snow White went and “hi ho-ed” in search for Mr. Right. He wasn’t easy to find with all the short baggage she carried with her, but eventually she came across a young Korean man named Jon.
“Jon and I are very happy,” Snow White said in a 1940 interview shortly after their engagement. “The dwarfs already call him Daddy.”
Jon – not to be confused with John Smith – was a dwarf too, who lived in Pennsylvania. The seven dwarfs looked more like Jon than Kate, err Snow White, and that added a certain sparkle to the couple.
Taking care of seven dwarfs can be a challenge, especially now that her prince charming ran out on her after sleeping with a forest gypsy. Jon said he “just couldn’t help himself.” He believes he may have been sprinkled with “tempting dust” and would never cheat sober.
They’ve only held one movie deal in 1938, “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” which is what we all know to be a gem in the mining cave of Disney movies. Snow White wanted more screen time with the dwarfs, but once Jon left and the dwarfs ran amuck, the TVs were turned off, and the producer’s attention turned to the Duggars and their semi-successful life on marriage and mass production.
Now, the dwarfs aren’t allowed to sing “Hi Ho” as they go off to work because Jon’s forest gypsy has filed a slander suit, accusing the seven dwarfs and Snow White of calling her a ho in public. Jon was lately seen on the steps of their new straw home – bought from the first little pig – making a statement in support of the ban.
“’Ho’ is a word used to describe a woman who sleeps around, and from what I know, my gypsy’s only sleeping with me and Tiger Woods. She’s no ho,” Jon said, ending the press conference. From the back of the crowd came a profound voice, “You lie!” We couldn’t get to the bystander in time to interview.
In other news, the Disney Dispatch headlines Pooh asks for a name change.
Winnie the Pooh has filed a complaint to the makers of his animated show, “Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day,” stating he is tired of toddlers confusing the “h” with a “p” resulting in a mispronunciation of his name.
“Winnie the Poop is not my name,” Pooh said in an interview. “Ohh bother.”
He said he sat on his log and thought for about three days in the Hundred Acre Woods until coming up with a plan to file this complaint.
“I put my paw up to my head and said, ‘Think, think, think’ until I thought of something,” Pooh said.
He then recalled his hungry belly afterward.
“After that, I want to Owl’s for some honey… and legal advice.”
Owl could not be reached for comment but a message was hammered to his tree truck to reply. On the document the Disney Docket Courthouse provided, Owl is written as Pooh’s attorney.
Will Winnie the Pooh be forever known as Winnie the Poop to two year olds, or will justice be served and speech lessons mandatory for today’s toddlers? Check back for updates.
Finally news from the north in the entertainment department. Straight from the Antarctic Weekly, Happy Feet star hits Broadway.
Mumble, star of the 2006 Academy Award winning movie Happy Feet, will be tapping his way across the New York stage on Broadway.
After his fourth audition to join Broadway, Mumble finally got a callback. During his childhood years, he was the underdog. With no singing talent like the other Emperor penguins, Mumble focused on his natural talents of dancing. Mumble’s Emperor penguin peers shunned him.
“I was teased a lot by my peers while I starred in Happy Feet because I couldn’t sing. Once I met my Adelie penguin friends, I found my talent acceptable,” Mumble beaked. “It inspired me to seek out Lovelace for my next step.”
Mumble said Lovelace predicted he’d dance on Broadway one day. Mumble took the plunge and applied for the Broadway Dance Center in New York City.
Mumble said dancing had always come naturally.
He took classes at the Broadway Dance Center in New York City during the winter months after his escape from the Antarctic in 2007. Gloria moved with him to attend Julliard to continue her singing career.
“When Gloria sings, it darn near breaks your heart,” Mumble said, reaching over to take Gloria’s wing. “The others would sing along with her, but I’d catch the tune with my feet in the back of the crowd.”
Mumble joined the line of dancers with his Adelie penguin friend, Ramon, in his self-written “Heart Song” Broadway production.
Gloria has been hired to be the main musician, providing her delicate vocals.
“It’s an honor to be singing in Mumbles masterpiece. I’m very proud of him,” Gloria said, smiling over at fiancé Mumble. The couple was engaged Thursday, the night Mumble was recruited by Broadway.
“Heart Song” will be centered on the heroic journey of penguins in the Antarctic. It will include dance numbers depicting the mate selection process, which is ultimately singing that matches the male with the female penguin but Mumble switches it up with tap dancing.
“The performance is how my world was and how I found my Gloria by just being my tap-dancing, misfit self,” Mumble said.
“Heart Song” will premiere in December 2010. Tickets will go on sale June 1.
That’s all for now, check back for updates and more Disney news. This is brought to you by TLC Network and Teddy Grahams.