I pray the most for you

I pray the most for you. And I don’t even know who you are yet. I pray whenever I feel myself without you. Whenever I feel the hole only you can fill, according to so many people already in love. “It’ll come,” they say.

I pray that you’re okay and that life is treating you well, but not well enough not to wonder about me. I hope you’re either happy or learning a lesson with another girl, so when you get to me you’ll know for sure. I know this might all sound crazy, like some kind of desperation coming from someone who’s so good at being alone.

I’m not really that good at it.

I’m fine with not sharing a bed, watching a movie solo every few weekends. I don’t just want anyone to spend my time with. I want a woman with the same intentions, and lately that’s been asking for too much. I act like a complicated, high maintenance woman. I believe strongly in independence, women’s rights and letting love be love. I wouldn’t call that high maintenance or complicated. I’m really not that hard to read, if you take the time.

I want to hold your hand and play with your hair while we watch a movie, your head on my lap. I want to watch movies I’ve never seen and for you to watch for my response to your favorite part. Then when it’s not what you expected, I want you to make me explain my thoughts in detail. I want you to challenge me… on everything.

I know you’ll teach me things I’ve never considered to be important, I want them to become my priorities too. I want to hear about what you care about, what you dream about, and why something frustrates you. I want to take action together, let’s join a campaign to change the world.

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.

I want you not to care what people think and for us to exist in our happiness like a single cloud in the sky on a sunny day, unafraid and proud to be seen. I want us to exist together, in our own insane love.

I’ve daydreamed coming home to you, whoever you are. It’s the first time in years I’ve let myself embrace this thought, to think on it, to dream it. It’s been so vibrant lately. I believe in too many dreams of mine, and with my determination swimming through my veins, dreams usually come true; I usually find a way to live them. I know you are out there because of this.

I hope I’m your prayer before you close your eyes at night too. I bet I am.

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